home

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”- Sarah Dessen

While I've been away at college, I've been thinking of what defines 'home'. I've thought about this every time I ask my roommate, "When are you coming home?" or when someone asks me, "I'll drop you off at home" or, "Hey, I just got home!"

It's weird to think that I have more than one home now, that I'll probably have more than one home for the rest of my life. I don't know if I feel at home here just yet, but it's becoming more and more comfortable each day, and I don't think it's my body adjusting to it. I think it's more than familiarity that changes what you call home. It's people. I wouldn't feel at home if I had never made friends.

And it's odd to think that anywhere in this entire world can be my home. I'm at this weird life-limbo, where I can end up anywhere at this point, depending on where life drags me. I like that while at the same time, it scares the hell out of me. 

Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, maybe I don't need to define everything in my life so quickly. I feel that way about a lot of things; defining my career, my friendships, my passions. I always feel like I need to be 100% sure of everything, when that's just not possible when you're 18 living on your own for the first time. 

But back to what I was saying about home. Like the quote above says, home is a moment. I feel at home when I'm laughing until I feel like I'm going to pee my pants with my best friends. Home is when I hug someone I haven't seen in months. Home is where my family is, but it's also where my heart is. And maybe I'm just too sentimental of a person, but I feel like I keep the places I go in my heart all the time, and build this 20 story building of homes in my heart, and I keep it all there. 

I like the idea of that; I'll always have somewhere to call home. 

you are a sunset

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.” - Carl R. Rogers

When I read this quote, I feel a sense of peace. We are just as beautiful as sunsets, and I think we forget that a lot. We forget that people are beautiful and stunning and special and one-of-a-kind and breath-taking. We forget that we're all these things, and we look in the mirror and pick at things we hate, and we walk past girls on the street and pick at things we hate about them, and it's a never ending circle of over-analyzing everyone.

I try and go every day with noticing one thing I love about myself. I was never self-conscious as a little girl, or into my pre-teen years. I wasn't really that self-conscious throughout high school either, but I was acutely more aware of how a shirt fit me, or if my smile looked good in a selfie or not. And I never want to be one of those people who rant about social media and how it's ruining our youth or whatever, but I do see how selfies and taking pictures of myself affect the way I see myself. 

I think as I get older I get more frustrated with how I feel about myself. Which is normal, and I just have to pull myself back and remember that I am who I am for a million reasons, and that's just fine.

And when you look at someone, and feel the need to  pick apart their image, you're doing it all wrong. 

My favorite part of this quote is, "I watch with awe as it unfolds", because I think we forget to look at people, and the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they love, or when they cry at movies, or how someone's laugh can make them the most beautiful human being on earth. I think we forget to stop and watch the beauty of someone being THEM. Personally, I don't think there's anything beautiful than getting to know someone, and as I go through this time in my life where I am meeting so many new people, it feels like watching sunsets, getting to see people become more themselves the longer I get to know them. 

So appreciate sunsets and appreciate people and realize how similar the two are, and watch in awe at just how beautiful it all is. 

growing into love

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new."- Ursula K. Le Guin

I think that people often think that once a couple is happy, it's so easy to keep it that way. The way I look at it is this: People are always changing, and this doesn't exclude people who are in love. I think that especially young love is the most difficult kind of love, because from the age of 14 to 20-something, you don't have a damn clue what you're doing. If you do, you're lying to yourself.

Hell, you could be 68 and still have no clue. But that's beside the point. What I'm saying is that growing up is hard enough, but being in love and growing up at the same time changes the game. Guin compares love to bread, which seems weird at first, but it's so true. Love can go bad. It happens all the time, but it's the people that know that love involves constant changing, on both partners side, that love each other unconditionally and forever. 
Sometimes bread goes stale, or rots, but that doesn't call for the end of everything. You toss out the loaf, and you bake some new bread. I may be someone who forgives easily, but I also believe that starting over can make a hell of a difference when it comes to love. When you grow, you mess up, ALL the time. As a teenager, I always felt like relationships we're given enough slack. That sounds awful, but I mean, we're teenagers. When aren't we going to screw things up? So I learn to bake a new loaf of bread. I learn to make new of my love, and remember why I'm here in the first place. 
I'm a hopeful romantic, I always have been. I was before I was in a serious relationship, and I am one while currently in a serious relationship. 
I've always been a person who chooses not to talk about my relationship, because no one needs to hear about it. I don't mind, I don't feel the need to tell anyone anything about my partner and I's "problems", because it feels wrong sharing those things with someone who's not him, it's between the two of us and in the end someone else's opinion shouldn't help make a decision that involves only him and me. Maybe people disagree with this style of handling it, but I like it better this way. It's a lot less messy in my opinion. 
I'm straying from my original point, though. From the 3 1/2 years that I've be growing up and falling in love, I feel like I know a thing or two about how to make new of my love as my boyfriend and I change. And with the amount of change that happens from my freshman year of high school to my freshman year of college, we're champs in my eyes.
I don't know how we do it, I don't have some nifty pocket book or something like that. We just keep going, and that's harder than it sounds. So many times you want to give up, but it's just not that simple when you love someone. 
This quote means something to me just for the fact that when I read it, I felt it. I felt like whenever someone asks me, "How do you stay together for so long?" that's what I needed to be saying. And it will be what I say from now on, because I don't know if I've read a truer statement regarding love. 
You cannot just BE in love. You have to GROW in love, together. 

understanding

“There’s nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.” - Jonathan Safran Foer

Another quote post; this should surprise you all less and less as you get to know me. I felt personally connected to this one when I stumbled upon it on tumblr. I think so often people feel like they need to have their lives together, especially at my age (18), from the time we were 16 and being told to pick our future college, we've thought we had to have it all figured out.

I have never agreed with this. I haven't even lived half as long as the average human being, there's so much I haven't learned. So why do I, and every student I know, feel like we have an obligation to have our shit together? Because lord knows we don't, we just pretend to.

So I am telling everyone (including myself) that there is NOTHING wrong with not understanding myself. I may live to be 102 and still never fully understand who I am or who I want to be. And that's fine. We are all here climbing the same mountain, and we're all a little lost sometimes. I believe that not understanding yourself can even be a good thing. Not understanding yourself means it's time for some exploration, maybe a little adventuring; it's a time to TRY NEW THINGS! (I'd like to pat myself on the back for trying something new aka this blog).

Look, my point is this: Do not let someone tell you that you have to understand yourself to move forward in life. We are always moving, changing, growing, and in turn we are constantly losing understanding for who we are. And hey, if you feel content and feel like you have full control of your understanding, good for you! I only hope the rest of us can get on your level some day.

I'm rambling now, but I do believe that there should be no shame in having no idea what you're doing with your life. Whether you're 15, 18, or 102, keep being you, exploring your understanding, and I promise you have nothing to worry about.

**what are your thoughts on this quote?? I'd love to hear**

noticing when you are happy

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy."- Kurt Vonnegut 

If you haven't already noticed the reference to this quote in my blog title, this is it. It's become my latest quote obsession, and I already know it's one of those I'll always keep in my pocket for bad days (and good ones). I just want to reflect on this quote a little.

It's from Vonnegut's book A Man Without A Country. I will be upfront and say I never have read this book, I've never even heard of it until I looked it up. But I did find it through a novel (Lets Get Lost by Adi Alsaid. Haven't finished it but it's at about 3 stars for me at the moment) and the moment I read the words, I stopped everything and wrote it down. In my phone, in my journal. I just had to make sure I NEVER forgot those words. It was just one of those quotes.

So after lusting over it for several weeks, I still have that same butterflies-in-my-stomach happiness every time I re-read it. And now I've come to the conclusion that this should be the #1 quote to live by. And trust me I've read through thousands of quotes, but this one just keeps sticking to me. I think it's a beautiful perspective to have on happiness, because so often we don't realize how happy we are until we're looking back on something. And all we have left is the memories to reminisce on and fill ourselves with could'ves/should'ves/would'ves. 

My point is, I want to always notice when I am happy. And just as Vonnegut said, I urge you all to do so, as well. I think there would be a lot less negativity in the world, if we would just realize the joy we experience, the moment we're experiencing it. 

So that's my extended explanation for the title of my blog and my current quote obsession.

***What's your current quote obsession? And why?***